Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Reason #439 Why My Cat Is An Asshole
Boo Boo: Ehrmmm...excuse me. You! House- woman!
Marla: What's up Boo Boo?
Boo Boo: Well, I was going to tell you about something, but then I got all distracted by the incredible amount of Basset Hound snot all over the glass door. It's like you have hot and cold running Basset slobber in this place. It's unbelievable.
Interrupted by Molly: LOOK! THERE! THERE! AT! THE! DOOR! ONE! OF! THOSE! GUYS! EATING! BOO BOO-AHOOOO'S FOO--OO--AH-OOOOOOOD!
(Marla locks Molly behind the gate, and resumes the conversation despite the sound of claws on the wood floor and whining Basset Hound noises at the front window)
Boo Boo: So, as I was saying, before I got distracted by the smears of dog spittle, is that my food dish is being invaded. You might want to do something about it.
Marla: Boo Boo, if you ate all of your cat food when I put it out in the morning, we wouldn't have this problem. It's your breakfast, it's not a buffet. I mean, nobody likes Raccoons, and we all know I love trotting out Racoon Roundworm facts...but seriously, if you're not going to eat your damn kibble, this is going to happen.
(in the background, Molly: I'LL! EAT! THE! KIBBLE! DON'T! GIVE! IT! TO! THE! THING!)
Josephine: Let me see! A raccoon friend! I want to catch him! He came to see me! I love him! I looooove hiiiiiiiimmmmmm!
Marla: Boo Boo - Eat your frigging food. Josie, the answer is just plain no, the little guy is only here for some stale Fancy Feast and I'm sorry to break your heart but they are nasty scavengers who kill with their poop. Molly, enough, cease, STFU and please withdraw your slobber! And you! Hey! Buddy! Raccoon guy! Buzz off! Git! Scram! Shoo!
Raccoon: You know what? I'm leaving anyway. Your cat food sucks - it's that stuff you got from two doors down because their cat won't eat it, I can tell. Your cat is useless, your dog could move the breed's status from a 3 to a 5 when it comes to slobber standards, and your child thinks she's Grizzly Adams. I'm making my exit, and I suspect all that will come of this incident is that it'll become cheap blog fodder.
Boo Boo: Wow. That was harsh dude. First, and foremost, the people do love the Boo Boo posts, and she has been know to sling a can of tuna now and then. All you have to do is show up and look cute, and there she is, pushing the treats, and wiping the drool, and cripes does that kid ever take a lot of looking after. I suggest hanging around for the sweet deal chez Good. It's like taking candy from a baby living here...
Marla: Boo Boo, I'd thank you, but I believe there's a quote out there...something about "It's no crime to steal from a thief."
at 9:33 PM