Friday, March 28, 2008

My Sieve Runneth Over.

crazymumma said...says...asked...

"I have never ever like behaving. Now I am pouting in defiance.

Now I am giving in.

Fine. I'll behave.

This is my question, well two really, but they can blend. I wonder these to myself when I read you, and the rare comments you leave elsewhere.

Is your brain truly a compendium of interesting knowledge as it seems to be? And do you have a photographic memory or one that is selective only to things that interest you?"



I have a mind like a sieve - yet it seems that the chunks of knowledge that don't make it through the holes are the fossilized bits mostly made up of my remarkable grasp of the trivial, and it's those bits and other old sludge that hold everything in, with plenty escaping. Or, it's like a cloud of cream in a cup of coffee, a bloosh of minutely useful stuff, with some currently relevant information that floats around like grounds. But it's all there, swilling around... until something pushes it out, like an attempt to add more coffee or even an attempt to walk with the cup. Then it just splashes out, and I find the stains days later. Or it just trickles over the edge, and I try to save some of it in the saucer.

And that's fine with me.

One of my favourite stories is to the effect that Einstein never memorized his own phone number - because he could always look it up in the phone book. Perhaps you've heard it? Heard me tell it? I don't bother to retain whom I've told it to. They'll either be polite, or tell me. Either is fine. See how it works?

I don't have a lot of solid knowledge any longer, I have echoes and reflections of what used to be. What gets added to the mix often doesn't have time to settle the way it used to, and the surface of what I know is never calm and smooth. The stuff just gets poured or measured or slopped in there, until my sieve runneth over.


Back when I worked at a dry-cleaner's as a teen-ager, I'd have the customers' names, phone numbers and orders memorized the second time they walked in the door. When I was a jeweller, I knew the specs on each piece without looking at the tags. At the auction house, the daily gold fix and metals calculations needed to appraise jewellery were right there, with no fumbling for references needed. As a mommy? It's all pretty much a blur. What I need to know changes daily, hourly, minutely. And at the jobs I'm employed at now, with second-hand merchandise changing daily, for example - I learn about an object, remember it until it's gone, and then tip the facts out. I can always learn things again.

I love to research. I had to learn how to do it properly at the auction house, and I'm good at it. I love love love my computer - because every once in a while I'll want to check to see if a fact that's stuck in my head is still true, or if I can discard it, or update it. And while some of the old information is still there, just wedged way down, and can be dredged up, I get a little thrill that it's still there, when every once in a while, Steve will ask me "What is that thing on my keychain called again?" and I reply "It's a thaumatrope, dear." I remember that well enough because he asks me often enough, and because I see it daily, but don't have to call it that. When I do, it's BING! Thaumatrope. There it is, still in my head. The proper name, when called for, gets nudged loose, it floats to the top, then settles back down somewhere.

I find keeping my head rather empty keeps me more in the moment, and the things I do know don't feel all jam packed and stored away - they're merely present, and need to be stirred, not shaken. As dear friends know though, there are certain bugaboos that make me so crazy that I wish my mouth could print out the knowledge like a ticker tape so I could hand it to people and be done with it - and it's that stuff that I actually have to nudge out of the way like I have to step over the Basset Hound when I'm cooking dinner - so that I can have a normal conversation with people without having to mention fecal matter in laundry again.

There are some areas where I can't evict information, but it's useful to others so I don't mind. As a rather rebellious person who somehow really loves rules, I can give an example of the type of thing that sticks from when I used to ride my bike. Of course, then, I followed the law to the letter; so when I see violations now as a driver or a pedestrian, instead of swearing in front of Josephine, I yell rules at people, such as "No bicycles with tires over 24" in diameter on the sidewalk!" and "It's a $90 fine to ride a bicycle in the crosswalk!". Same with the rules of driving. Instead of cursing, I'll mutter "When three cars enter a four-way stop intersection at the same time, the car to the farthest right goes first!" instead of "Fucking fuckity fuck fuck." Always have. Though, I may add a sarcastic, sneering "Were you waiting for an engraved invitation to proceed?" with a dramatic gesture waving the dumbass through. For an American, I am polite that way.


As for the second part of the question - no, my memory isn't photographic. It's like a pen and ink drawing filled in with watercolours. I remember the artistic expression of the actual memory and how it illustrates whatever pertinent facts are underlying. I also understand things longer and better if I get to share them with other people. Hearing myself say things out loud makes the facts stick longer. Hence telling Josephine to "Sit down! Over 20,ooo kids under the age of 5 to to the emergency room for shopping cart accidents each year!" helps me to remember that fact. And it keeps me from saying "fuck" a lot.

My memory is also selective to things that interest me too, because why else would I retain what a Trembleuse cup and saucer is from the days when I sold them if not for the two divergent stories about what they were originally used for? Sure, the saucers and cups are designed to keep from shaking or rattling or spilling - but one reason given is that chocolate was so precious people couldn't bear to spill a drop - the other reason is so that if you had a secret lover and served him a drink, your husband wouldn't hear the clattering noises. See? Now you'll always wonder too. I would much rather have that space available for the lyrics to the Magnificent Seven, beyond "vacuum cleaner sucks up budgie".

The last few things I can say on this subject? My memory is such that I am good at some very very specific things - and I suck so very badly at others. For example, I'm absolutely lousy at a job I'm currently doing a few Saturdays each month until May. A friend asked if I'd fill in for her receptionist at the hair salon she owns, and I perform abysmally at it. I'm nice and everything, but I can't get everything right and I get flustered and it pains me not to be good at something so I have a bad stomach the night before and am in sour mood the evening after.

The job sounds simple - as the clients come in, take their coats and hand them a robe, and offer drinks and take them to the stylist. Book appointments. Answer the phone. Confirm the next working day's appointments. Handle the register. But I can't make it happen smoothly - when several clients come in at once, and I struggle to grab the right coats and hand them the right robes (some are X-tall, which really mean X-large and I have to gauge who deserves one of the four we have without seeming judgy ) and I forget what they asked for in their coffee and forget their names to present them to the stylist - it starts to snowball Then, I can't keep straight the invisible half-hour needed for processing colour if they're going to have a cut booked after; and some stylists cut on the half-hour and some on the forty-five minute hour. Some don't do some things. Some are booked until the end of April, and I have to refuse and/or offer waiting lists, yet remember that we move mountains for others. Hi-lights take so long, and straight colour takes so long and minis take so long...and then? The phone ringing and cashing out? And keeping the tips straight? Transactions divided between cash, Interac and credit cards (because there are appointments that end in the mid triple digits, you know) and add in product? It's a mess. But mostly? People go out looking so different than they come in - I just plain don't recognize them. I also don't understand that luxury, though I don't begrudge people $130 haircuts. It's just that $130 feeds us for a week - and I seem to like objects and projects almost more than people.


And, with all this - I wonder how my brain would be working right now had I pursued higher education. What would I have done with all that knowledge and effort I'd have poured into it, hoping for improvement? I think about this often - had I stayed on a different course, I'd be an entirely different person. A long time ago I decided that I would not have been a better person if I had, though. Whatever my ambitions were (are there such things as a Photojournalist Social Worker?), I think I'm achieving them differently. I mean, in the end, it could still have come down to wearing a Cafe Press "I went to school for my PhD and all I got was this mommy blog!" t-shirt. So, I think while I have a lot in my brain, and the memories are weird and rich and varied, and I may be smart - how the old noodle works is good enough for me. The world has given me the education I need to live the life I'm meant to, the path showed itself because I was open to it. I'm very happy now that I have a family I chose that I adore; I love what I do for work and feel it has value in the world (finding new homes for old items and encouraging the purchase of only carefully chosen environmentally friendly, or reusable or sustainable new items - yay!) and I'm good at it; I am active in my neighbourhood and not in a "slactivist" way; I have a few very good friends and have realized that more "friends" aren't better if I can't manage true friendships well.

So I know myself pretty well by now. The memory works how it works, and understanding that, I try to work to my strengths. I am smarter now and try not to over-promise and under-deliver - which is also why blogging is a fine outlet for the creative bits.

Thanks for the question...um, did I answer it?

Oh - so, in short: Yes. No. Yes.


Friday, March 21, 2008

Good Questions *edited

On Thursday night, while helping Steve to make tea for all of us, after assembling the mugs and adding the sugar and tea bags, and upon not being allowed to take the kettle of boiling water off the burner and pour it, our newly four-year old Josephine said to him:

"Why do you treat me like a three-year old?"


********************

Last night, Nadine had occasion to wonder if she swears too much in her posts. I think she's going to write about it, but her question prompted this response from me (slightly edited):

Well, I’m not in bed because I’m all hepped up on mint chocolate chip ice cream and want to watch the Amy Winehouse thing on Much later. Also, the insomnia is back.



But, to the topic at hand:


But, since you asked (and may be waiting with baited breath for it):

Because I know you (now) Nadine, reading your posts, well...it’s part and parcel of a chatty tone. A kind of storytelling. It’s an implied conversation with you, yourself, Nadine; not at all a conversation with generic writerly person who writes things that are neat to write about. And your cleaned-up professional writing is good, very good – but it’s not your voice. I, personally, like your voice. You cuss – it neither diminishes nor accentuates any of your other qualities. In fact, I might propose that it’s an empowering word for a woman writer to sling about comfortably.

And now begins my Ode to Proper Use of the Word Fuck:

I think of your swears as something used for colour, and for emphasis. While they’re likely not randomly placed, I imagine excising them would feel more unnatural than using more. They are merely, perhaps, called for during the course of following your muse.

And fuck is such an awesome word (and I love Kate’s word, fuckery) - but fuck? It’s got this great ancient etymology that makes it appropriate in today’s parlance, useful in so many instances. And really, frig just isn’t the same thing (scroll down on that link – I mean that literally). There is no other word in the world that takes the place of fuck. Fuck is uniquely suited to certain emphatic statements, and makes a splendid noun, verb or adjective, adverb – I could go on... Judiciously chosen and well-placed, it gives a sentence weight and intensity. Used gratuitously, it’s merely a verbal tic.

From that link (and um...I was familiar with it. It’s not like I looked it up just for this, you know) (because I love online etymology sites, and there are hours of fun to be found when you come across stuff like this - for the word nerd smackdowns in the comments are awesome indeed) there are these awesome references to how it appeared (or didn’t) in the works of some very respected (male) writers:

In 1948, the publishers of "The Naked and the Dead" persuaded Norman Mailer to use the euphemism fug instead. When Mailer later was introduced to Dorothy Parker, she greeted him with, "So you're the man who can't spell 'fuck' " [The quip sometimes is attributed to Tallulah Bankhead]. Hemingway used muck in "For whom the Bell Tolls" (1940). The major breakthrough in publication was James Jones' "From Here to Eternity" (1950), with 50 fucks (down from 258 in the original manuscript).

(That made me laugh – you can sell it on the book jacket that way: Now with 90% Less Fuck!)

Now, I’ve also got to say – part of reading is “nexting”, which is where your brain automatically supplies the logical next word. It’s how anyone can do any reading with any speed at all. It happens so fast along those cuckoo brain synapses (think what would happen if you had to make all those word identifications and meaning deductions word by word!) that if certain cuss words are part of our vernacular, they hardly register in the brain’s rush to end the passage and understand the piece.

So, I go back to saying that while others might prefer a certain delicacy, the reality is that your subjects and your writing style often work in tandem, to challenge your audience to see who flinches. That’s what makes it powerful. Overuse of the f-word by anyone can certainly cause fatigue even in the most bitter and hardened leathery soul like mine, but in today’s society it’s unusual that there would be such modest sensibilities, moved enough to write. I would guess that your persistent use of the focative case (Ha – Shakespeare joke!) in YOUR OWN PERSONAL BLOG THAT YOU WRITE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO AND DON’T HAVE TO SO STFU....sorry...I lost it for a minute there – I’d guess that there’s such a small percentage of people who can’t get over it, that you can use that old chestnut “Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke”.


G’night!

M




Which brings me to the fun question and answer game everyone is playing. Okay, it's not a game and not everyone is doing it - but I do love a good question, as you can see from the above. Nadine has opened herself up, so...

We're going to try this with the comments open - first twenty questions get answers. If there is even one teensy bit of fuckery, it's all over and we go back to email only.


*It has been so long, I forgot how to put the comments back on. They're working now.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

I Would Post More Often, But Then I Don't Post More Often.

Scene:

Marla is at work on a project soon to be revealed in blog post, if only she had time to actually post it. Born of necessity, the luxury of some extra time off work allows her the time to document part of the process in photographs; and she is savouring the experience, proceeding at a leisurely pace and composing her thoughts throughout.

Sounds from upstairs: (Crashing noise, skittering, thumping, barking, general excitement)

Marla drops what she's doing, and heads for the stairway.



Molly: Are?! You?! Coming?!? Coming?! Up?! Stairs?!!!!



Molly: What! HE!! Just! Did! Did! In! THERE!!!!



(Marla tromps slowly upstairs, pauses to sigh at the top, braces herself, steps gingerly into Josephine's bedroom.)


Molly: There! HE! IS! What! HE! Did! LOOK! LOOK! AT! HIM! And! What! He! DID!





Molly: YOU! Bad! Pet! What! You! DID!




Marla: Boo Boo, come out of here. You have no business in here. What did you do? (glances around, raises nose in the air, sniffs a little, detects nothing in the way of unpleasant odours) (mutters to self) I don't see anything either...


Boo Boo: Okay, well then, innocent, guilty, prove it, yadda yadda. (Aside to Molly) Beat it! Scram! Pest!




Molly: He! did! it! Can't! you! see?! LOOK! LOOK!




Boo Boo: Um...I'll just leave. You'll be happy if I just leave, like you said. I'll just leave. (singsong voice) Leaving!




Marla: (casting eyes about room) (muttering) I did hear something...glass...


Boo Boo: Look into my eyes. You heard nothing. You see nothing. I am your sweet kitty cat, and I was just basking in the sunbeam until the stool pigeon came along and you are very busy and want to get back to work...let the kitty stay in the sunbeam...the kitty is nice...and definitely innocent....




Marla: Boo Boo, I don't play that. Wait...what...what the...where is the lid to the fish tank? Where is the...? Oh, thank gawd Missy Fishy is still there. BAD BOO BOO. In this house, pets don't eat other pets. Now GIT!



Boo Boo: Oh. That. Yes. I was leaving! Must you go on? It's not like I'm talking with my mouth full. Sheesh. Visiting. That's right. You can't converse with the fur pig down there, so I was visiting him. And you, busy with the peckity peckity thwack thing and the stuff that is all over where I want to be. Your fault entirely you know.



Marla: Boo Boo - does anyone else ever have to vacuum cat hairs off their lampshades?



Boo Boo: "It has been said that idleness is the parent of mischief, which is very true: but mischief is merely an attempt to escape from the dreary vacuum of idleness." (George Borrow)


Molly: I! Hate! The! Vacuum!


Boo Boo: See?

(Sounds of Marla vacuuming...and fade.)

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Leap Year

A lone apron hanging on my hook is the only reminder in the kitchen, now that the last sprinkle has been chased with the vacuum and I've evicted the pink frosting remains from the fridge. We're still in the honeymoon phase with the birthday gifts throughout the rest of the house, though, where they're all new and shiny and fun and beg to be played with.



Josephine's birthday came right in the middle of a flurry of others. Lately, nearly every weekend has included another kid's party and frankly, I'm exhausted. I kept her birthday as quiet as my Martha Stewart instincts would let me this year, so Josephine's party was much like last year's, with cupcake decorating and just goofing off. So, the pictures are eerily similar, except fewer of main characters wear diapers and wee new siblings attended too.

There was the tooth-rotting and stomach curdling pink cupcake mayhem...




The kids doing kid things while the parents chatted, everyone enjoying this developing ability for independent play...




One smart ass parent couldn't resist a little mischief, seeing that the children were not as enamored of this classic game as they could have been...


Oh, wait...that was me. But what was amazing was that the kids all figured out how to feel the other stickers with their fingers, and used that as a guide for where to place their own tail. It was uncannily canny of them.



But this year, the greater awareness of what endings mean lent a wistfulness to watching the guests leaving. A knowledge that hanging with her old folks isn't the be-all end-all any more. That it was the friends that were as much fun as the food and presents...



And, a new maturity meant that within minutes, it was the books that she sat down with for quiet time in order to wind down after the party.





Over the next few days, she explored the presents, and made great leaps in how she played with them. The smart-ass bear Coby's questions all get answered correctly. (He gets a lot of STFU in response from me, but she likes him.)




The puzzles now get put together without my help, and there's this new fondness for board games and activities with counting and otherwise showing off newfound smarts...


...and lots of distraction from the bastard hound, who is cat-like in her desire to lay on things on the floor.







And then, on Saturday, while at home with Steve while I worked, she took a two-hour nap. That hasn't happened in ages. And while I assure you, nobody wants to come home from a long day at work to find their kid still sleeping after two hours at six-thirty pm -- the strangest thing about that was how when she woke up, something had changed. Steve and I looked at each other, and said "She grew." During that nap, something in her face, and in her manner, and in her aura altered. It's indescribable. She just grew.




The next day, she did the typical little kid things at Alice's bowling birthday party, like dancing with balloons and begging bags of chips; but she'd nudged over the line toward the big girls instead of remaining firmly with the little kids. She wasn't quite there entirely, but she was watching and learning. She's more like minutes away from being a hair swinging sashaying mouthy pre-teen wearing Love's Baby Soft and walking to the corner store to buy sour gummi worms by herself; and I can't seem to catch a whiff of babyhood off her any more.


Four is pretty great - it's long legs with bruisy shins, a sway-backed posture and mature abdominal muscles reigning that toddler stomach in; and it's growing-out bangs in her eyes and getting her own yogurt from the fridge. And while a lot of this has certainly been developing over time, that two-hour nap refined her features in a way that showed me five, and beyond. I'm now on guard, daring the knuckle dimples to disappear, and for morning breath and her wiping her own poopy bum. It's a year for us both to grow in leaps and bounds.

But thank goodness, this morning, she brought me her yogurt and asked if she could crawl on my lap, and would I feed her like a baby. The answer to that is, and always will be yes - even when I'm eighty-eight and she's fifty-four and I'll take that moment to also tweeze her chin hairs and ask her to pass me my Ben-Gay.